I guess I had a pretty unique upbringing and life. There were sure characters that have been in my life, both good and bad. I don't think my mother would approve of me writing everything out in the public but it's an outlet for me. Growing up without my biological father and finding out about it at age 15 was a little shocking. I thought my step father, Ron was my father. He treated me as his own daughter until he passed away when I was 8 years old.
My biological father wasn't the best person and what made my mom leave him was when he kicked her. She was pregnant with me. I admire my mother for what she did although it cost her brothers to hate her for getting a divorce, or possibly a reason to push her aside so they can get more inheritence. My grandmother was a second mother to me. She made great real estate, businesses which made her millions in such a small little island like Okinawa. But my grandmother worked very hard and so did my mother. I never grew up spoiled or even knew much about how much my "family" had. I put "family" since the only people I consider family is my mom and grandmother. My uncles on the otherhand, were never treated us with respect, love or anything normal family members do. It was always a show during the Japanese holidays, like New Year and Obon (where dead family members visit allegedly). I hate to admit it but it helps to talk about it years after about what I went through.
My uncles took everything from my grandmother and kept blaming us of stealing. I don't know why they did what they did but the worst part of it is that my grandmother has alzheimer's disease. I partially blame her for their behavior since she never stood up to them. As I clean her diaper and my mom puts on her make up for (old people) day care in her wheelchair, it makes me wonder. How can a child (uncles) reject their mother (my grandma) by never caring to visit to say hi or see how she's doing. They never visited her even when she lived literally 3 seconds away (right next door). Well my cousins would come when it's New Years to get otoshidama (traditional where money is put in envelopes for kids). That's pretty much it. One time when I visited my grandma in Okinawa, I left about $3,000 (equivalent in US dollars in Yen) in my suitcase. My grandma gave me a little bit and I saved it up (I've always been cheap, unless it's for people I love). I was going to take my grandma out, or maybe a trip. Guess what happened? My cousin's wife supposedly found it and took half and gave the rest to my grandma. My grandma wasn't sure why I was upset about it since she had dementia or was convinced that my cousin's wife was telling her the truth. My grandma used to hide her money every time and forget where she put it. I would just give her my money and tell her it was hers so she wouldn't obsess over it. This time it was freaking 3K that's gone so I was broke while on vacation. I can't blame my grandma for that but really it proves that my cousin's wife just went to the room I slept in and went through my stuff. OMG I can go on and on (not just this instance, years).
Aside from that, what I mean about facing the past is that I used to be full of life and determined to become a pediatrican. I was supposed to finish high school in a pretty good place in Cali, but my grandmother swayed me to go to Hawaii; where her friend's sister was living with her husband. They took me in and I paid $500.00 a month to cover rent and food. My mom and grandma each paid some extra money to them (not knowing the other paid). At first it was great, aside from the 'auntie' (I called her) hiding my Dean's List letter and talking me out of scholarships and 'uncle' touching my leg and opening up my bank account statements. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all bad at first until after about a year. I stayed with them for 3 years and I was desperate to get out. They kept complaining about how little money they were getting from my family and 'auntie' told me my mother was a thief. They were on good terms with my uncles (by the way). She told me that my mom stole money from my half aunt. I remember crying at 18 years old without any family and unable to defend my own mother because I didn't know what she was talking about. I realized that 'auntie' has a problem of making shit up. (On a side note, the neice was there and told her family she became a "doctor" while being in Hawaii for couple months. i never heard of that. I don't think she even went to a university, maybe a technically college. i donno.)
I learned that when her niece at ag 28 or 29 who knows she was 10 years older than me at the time came to Hawaii. Well she was there since she dated a black guy and her famiy didn't like it. She was overweight and homely. (The older generation are not for foreign marriage, although younger gen. are pretty open). One day she brought over some guy when 'auntie' and 'uncle' had to leave to a funeral in the states. I never saw the guy but I did hear him and see his shoes. I was worried and called my friend over to spend the night. They had already met her and liked her. I never told 'auntie' about it since I didn't want to make any 'trouble.' They wanted me to watch her. I was 10 years younger than her! Anyway, I told my mom and 'autie' blamed me for everything. She said that I had no proof since I didn't see the guy.
Another time when I finally left the place, they called my grandma telling her I'm living where killers and rapists were since "they" weren't watching over me. It made my grandma so worried and it's about this time when she had a stroke. They also said that I failed and got suspended from University of Hawaii since "they" received a letter from the school saying so. "Uncle" wrote me a letter about it also to my uncles (i think), my mom and told my grandma. The truth is that one of my professors didn't have time to put in grades for everyone and told us that he's going to put an "I" for incomplete instead of a grade until HE can finish grading everything. When this happens, UH (i guess) sends letters saying that and incomplete grade was given. It also says if the incomplete grade can become an "F" if it's not fixed at a certain time (guess it's for students that don't finish), or it can be a place holder until a grade is given. I had to ask the Dean and my Advisor to write a letter to "UNCLE" to tell him I'm not failing but it's used as a place holder damn it!
I can go on and on about what I went through, not all bad I do have good memories. I guess that's what abused women say too. In a way I felt like one and it used to give me panic attacks. I seeked therapy at the university I attended in Hawaii. It got me so depressed. I still was accepted into two health programs and became a teaching intern for biology lab. I feel weird since I guess I never dealt with my past so I'm not over it now.
My grandmother had a stroke couple years ago and I went back to Okinawa to help care for her and remembering my mom and grandma makes me angry. Angry at those who took advantage, stole, abused, and hurt our souls. My own family and 'auntie' and 'uncle' who I loved and looked up to at one point has left me feeling like I'm dealing with the aftermath of a hurricane. Just letting it all out is allowing me to face my past to see how and why things happened the way they did. Just how I was thankful I didn't fall climbing up to Manoa Falls in slippers when it was pouring rain, I'm thankful for what I had in my life and do not regret the person I am today. Maybe things do happen for a reason, whether it's good or bad. I still hope it's good that will come in the future for all the B.S. I dealt with in the past...
Today Ryan and I went to Jack Willie's Tarpon Turtle Grill & Marina in Tarpon Springs Florida. We had some gator bites, which are alligator tail meat that's deep fried. That's right, alligator meat. It tastes different depending on where you get gator bites.
